Lifestyle

This morning I was reading a new feel-good book outside my favorite beach-side coffee shop when an 18-year-old kid sat down next to me and said, “That’s a great read, ain’t it?” So we started chatting.

He told me he was getting ready to graduate from high school in a couple of weeks and then immediately starting his college career in the fall. “But I have no clue what I want to do with my life,” he said. “Right now I’m just going with the flow.”

And then, with eager, honest eyes, he began asking me one question after the next:

• “What exactly do you do for a living?”
• “When and how did you decide what you wanted to do?”
• “Why did you do this? Why didn’t you do that?”
• “Is there anything you wish you had done differently?”
• etc, etc, etc…

I answered his questions as best as I could, and tried to give decent advice with the time I had. And after a half-hour conversation, he thanked me and we parted ways.

But on the walk home I realized the conversation I had with that 18-year-old was actually quite nostalgic. He reminded me of me when I was his age, more than twenty years ago. I had so many questions back then. So, I started thinking about his questions again, and I began imagining all of the little things I wish someone had told me when I was 18. Then I took it a step further and thought about all the things I would love to tell myself if I could travel back in time to give my 18-year-old self some quick advice about life…

After a few more cups of coffee, a couple hours of deliberation, and some quick back-and-forth text discussions with people I respect, here are 18 things I wish someone told me when I was 18:

1. Commit yourself to making lots of little mistakes when you’re young. – Mistakes teach you important lessons. The biggest mistake you can make is doing absolutely nothing because you’re too scared to make a mistake. So don’t indefinitely hesitate — don’t doubt yourself. In life, it’s rarely about getting a chance; it’s about taking a chance. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work. Most of the time you just have to go for it! And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be. Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win. Remember, if you never act, you will never know for sure, and you will be left standing in the same spot forever.
2. Find hard work you appreciate doing. – If I could offer my 18-year-old self some real career advice, I’d tell myself not to base my career choice solely on other people’s ideas, goals and recommendations. I’d tell myself not to pick a major because it’s popular, or statistically creates graduates who make the most money. I’d tell myself that the right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you appreciate doing. As long as you remain true to yourself, and follow your own interests and values, you can find success through passion and inner alignment. Perhaps more importantly, you won’t wake up several years later working in a career field you despise, wondering “How the heck am I going to do this for the next 30 years?” So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it (or at least appreciating it), don’t stop. You’re on to something big!
3. Invest a little time, energy, and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge and experience, the more control you have over your life.
4. Explore new ideas and opportunities often. – Your natural human fears of failure and embarrassment will sometimes stop you from trying new things. But you must rise above these fears, for your life’s story is simply the culmination many small, unique experiences. And the more unique experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets. So seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you care about. Not doing so is not living.
5. When sharpening your career skills, focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt. But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt? Probably not to most people. Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal. Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in a hundred difference directions. So narrow your focus on learning fewer career related skills, and then truly master them.
6. People are not mind readers; you have to tell them what you’re thinking. – People will never know how you feel unless you tell them. Your boss? Yeah, he doesn’t know you’re hoping for a promotion because you haven’t told him yet. That cute guy or girl you haven’t talked to yet because you’re too shy? Yeah, you guessed it; she hasn’t given you the time of day simply because you haven’t given her the time of day either. In life, you have to communicate with others. And oftentimes you have to open your vocal cords and speak the first words. You have to tell people what you’re thinking if you’re looking for a response.
7. Make swift decisions and take immediate action. – Either you’re going to take action and seize new opportunities, or someone else will first. You can’t change anything or make any sort of progress by sitting back and thinking about it. Remember, there’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it. Knowledge is basically useless without action.
8. Accept and embrace change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change, and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.
9. Don’t worry too much about what other people think about you. – For the most part, what other people think and say about you doesn’t matter. When I was 18, I let the opinions of my high school and early college peers influence my decisions. And, at times, they steered me away from ideas and goals I strongly believed in. I realize now, ten years later, that this was a foolish way to live, especially when I consider that nearly all of these people whose opinions I cared so much about are no longer a part of my life. Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.
10. Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless. Period.
11. Talk to lots of people in college and early on in your career. – Bosses. Colleagues. Professors. Classmates. Social club members. Other students outside of your major or social circle. Teaching assistants. Career advisors. College deans. Friends of friends. Everyone! Why? Professional networking. I have worked for three employers since I graduated from college (I left my first two employers by choice on good terms), but I only interviewed with the first employer. The other two employers offered me a job before I even had a formal interview, based strictly on the recommendation of a hiring manager (someone I had networked with over the years). When employers look to fill a position, the first thing they do is ask the people they know and trust if they know someone who would do well in the position. If you start building your professional network early, you’ll be set. Over time, you’ll continue talking to new people you meet through your current network and your network’s reach and the associated opportunities will continue to snowball for the duration of your career.
12. Sit alone in silence for at least ten minutes every day. – Use this time to think, plan, reflect, and dream. Creative and productive thinking flourish in solitude and silence. With quiet, you can hear your thoughts, you can reach deep within yourself, and you can focus on mapping out the next logical, productive step in your life.
13. Ask lots of questions. – The greatest ‘adventure’ is the ability to inquire, to ask questions. Sometimes in the process of inquiry, the search is more significant than the answers. Answers come from other people, from the universe of knowledge and history, and from the intuition and deep wisdom inside yourself. These answers will never surface if you never ask the right questions. Thus, the simple act of asking the right questions is the answer.
14. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
15. Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects. Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Always live well below your means.
16. Be respectful of others and make them feel good. – In life and business, it’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel. So respect your elders, minors, and everyone in between. There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. Supporting, guiding, and making contributions to other people is one of life’s greatest rewards. In order to get, you have to give.
17. Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right. Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies. Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
18. Be who you were born to be. – You must follow your heart, and be who you were born to be. Some of us were born to be musicians – to communicate intricate thoughts and rousing feelings with the strings of a guitar. Some of us were born to be poets – to touch people’s hearts with exquisite prose. Some of us were born to be entrepreneurs – to create growth and opportunity where others saw rubbish. And still, some of us were born to be or do whatever it is, specifically, that moves you. Regardless of what you decide to do in your lifetime, you better feel it in every fiber of your being. You better be born to do it! Don’t waste your life fulfilling someone else’s dreams and desires.

But above all, laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Life is short, yet amazing. Enjoy the ride.

Also, if you liked this article and you’re looking for similar advice on life, love and personal growth I highly recommend that you read The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It’s an easy, enjoyable read that literally changed my life.

This article was co-written by Marc and Angel and Shaun Boyd, and inspired by Shaun’s insightful work which can be found here.

Photo by: Taylor McBride

The most splendid achievement of all is the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval.  This is how happiness blooms.

So don’t wait for someone to bring you roses; plant your own garden and decorate your own soul with ideas and passions that bring you joy.  You do not exist to impress the world; you exist to live your life in a way that makes you and your loved ones smile.

Stay true to your path, stay positive, and someday you will catch yourself smiling about…

1.  Memories of working on a life passion.

Passion is the key, and it’s worth making sacrifices for.  It’s the secret ingredient that has kept me going through some of the most painful times of my life.  Because at some point, especially when the going gets tough, you have to wonder what you’re doing and why.

Over the years, I’ve questioned myself and given myself a thousand little reasons to keep working on this site, but it always comes back to where it started.  It comes down to my core passion to explore life’s challenges and write about them.

What distinguishes many of us who are actively pursuing our dreams from those of us on the couch is that some of us have learned the hard way – perhaps through a severe loss – that life is short, and that we must capitalize on the opportunities each day gives us, on the raw potential our minds and bodies are capable of, and on every ounce of willpower we can muster to make our journeys worthwhile.  Read The $100 Startup.

2.  The little moments.

True wealth is the ability to experience each moment of life to the fullest.

The subtle things are often the most powerful, but sometimes we get so busy that we don’t pay attention to them.  So my challenge to you is this: Open your eyes.  Wake up.  Be attentive.  Acknowledge each wonderful gift you have.  See today as another day to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations life has to offer.

Bottom line: Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.

3.  The happiness you helped create.

Attitudes are catchy.  Whether they’re positive or negative, they’re rubbing off on you and those around you.

So be positive.  Let your intentions bleed with goodness – embodied in positive thoughts, cheerful words, and unselfish deeds – and the world will be to you a bright and happy place in which to work, play, and serve the greater good.  Read The How of Happiness.

4.  Relationships that weathered the storms with you.

No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.

In fact, the best relationships are not always the best because they have been consistently the happiest; sometimes they are that way because they have survived and strengthened through unhappy times.

5.  Feeling beautiful on the inside.

As you get older, what you look like on the outside becomes less and less of an issue, and who you are on the inside becomes the primary point of interest.  You eventually realize that beauty has almost nothing to do with looks; it’s who you are as a person, how you make others feel about themselves, and most importantly, how you feel about yourself.

6.  Knowing that you did your best.

Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of a life unlived.  You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live right now while you have a chance.  Keep in mind that life doesn’t always give you second chances, so when an opportunity arises, take it.

And never give up on a dream just because of the time that’s required to accomplish it.  The time will pass anyway.  Do what you need to do so that, at the very least, you can look back on your life someday and say, “I gave it my best shot.”  Read The Last Lecture.

7.  The peace in your heart.

Life is short.  So focus on what matters to YOU and let go of what does not.

Remember, it is the strength of your conviction that determines your level of success, not the number of people who agree with every little thing you do.  In the end, you will know that you’ve made the right decisions and followed the proper path when there is peace in your heart.

Photo by: Kees de Vos

by Therese Schwenkler

“Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”
?Marilyn Monroe

YOU, my friend, are undeniably, unquestionably, extraordinarily amazing and powerful!

Have you forgotten this already?

In case you’re stuck in a moment of temporary confusion, allow me to remind you of some truths you need to start telling yourself more often…

1.  “I do not have to settle.”

Oh, how I love your fierceness, your undying drive, the sheer wildcat intensity with which you slink through the jungle like a creature of passion – a passion that lights you up and that rises from the center of your calmest, deepest, most grounded self.

I so love it how you refuse to settle – for less than your best, for less than you deserve, for less than what it is you were made to be and to have and to do.

You won’t settle for the work that makes you a living, without also balancing in a life that’s worth living.  You won’t settle for the man or woman who keeps you warm at night, but who can’t see his or her way into the depths of your soul or the breadth of your heart.  You won’t settle for giving less than everything to your work, to your play, to your loves, to your life.

In fact, if there’s one thing you will settle into in this lifetime, it’s the belief that the greatest risk is never to risk at all.  And oh, how you’re willing to dare greatly – for passion, for connection, for the adventure of being alive.

I absolutely love it, you powerful, non-settling soul, you!

2.  “I have great reasons to trust myself and the universe.”

You’ve come a far way – from listening to the expectations and the outer shoutings of the crowds, to learning to listen to your own inner compass and your own inner voice.

You know now that the first person to check in with, always, is your deepest, truest self, and she has never let you down.  She knows when to say, “Yes please” and when to say “Heck no!”, when to lean in and when to let go.  She knows when to strike hard, when to back off, and when to slow down and breathe.

In every instant, she knows exactly what you need and exactly what to do.

And you’ve learned to trust her.

But you’ve learned to trust others too.  You know in whom to place your trust and how to let others in fully, deeply… completely.  You’ve learned it can be safe to open and let yourself be seen and heard and loved for the magnificent person you are.

Lastly, you’ve learned to trust in this crazy nest-of-a-universe that holds you and to fully rest in its inevitable care.  Storms will come in this lifetime, you know, but with time the rain and the rage and the shaking wind will subside into tranquility, and even the hardest of winters will soften into spring.

With everything inside you, without a fragment of doubt, you know this to be true.

Yes, I love the way that you’ve learned to trust – wholeheartedly, fiercely, deeply – in yourself, in others, and in the universe that holds you.

3.  “My weirdness is one of my greatest strengths.”

That’s right; you got it: You are powerful because you’re such an unrivalled weirdo.

I love all those weird little things about you – the way you snort when you laugh, the way you rock those glasses with style, and how you shake it out on the dance floor like no one else is judging you.

I love the way you show up in the world: unapologetically, eccentric-ly, wholly yourself, because who you are is the one and only YOU.

I love your individuality.  Please say you’ll never stop showing the world who YOU are.

4.  “I can continue to let my struggles open me, and not close me.”

On the days you were betrayed – not once, not twice, but again and again and again – you still vowed to keep your heart open anyway.

You were mistreated, but you learned to love others anyway.

Life sucked sometimes, but you didn’t let it suck the life out of you.

Instead of closing, you opened.

Instead of hardening, you softened.

And when life hit you hard, you chose not to die, but to let yourself be born again.

You’ve chosen love over hate, compassion over indifference, and transformation over ruin.  You are blossoming more and more every day, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.

5.  “I am still here learning and trying, even after all my failures.”

The truly beautiful thing about you is the way you never let your failures get you down – at least, not for long.

Remember that time you fell face down in the mud?

You came back stronger than before.  You remembered that, as the proverb goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” and that, as Epictetus would say, “No great thing is created suddenly.”

You let your “failures” carve out your person like the insides of a canyon wall, creating something majestic and wondrous and breathtakingly beautiful.  Instead of succumbing, you let them forge you into a person of strength and of character, humility and grace.

You aren’t one to be stopped – oh no, not you.  You may have had failures in one sense of the word, but in another sense, you’ve always won.  You’ve won because you failed to give up and you failed to give in.  You kept rowing, reinventing, learning from your defeats and pushing harder each time.  Your ability to persevere astounds me, and you do it with grace every time.

You, my friend, are stronger than you know.

6.  “I am powerful simply because I am ALIVE right now.”

You, Sweet Honey Child, are worthy and valuable and mighty beyond measure simply because you were born into this world – simply because you breathe – simply because you are right here, right now.

You were IT from the very instant you were born into this weird, unfathomable, joyful and painful experience called “life”:  Worthy.  Valuable.  Magnificent.  Infinitely loved.

You were IT at your highest.  You were IT at your lowest.  You still are IT.  You are simply, purely, unquestionably, unconditionally, a ridiculously powerful human being.

It doesn’t matter who you are to others or whether you believe this to be true.  It doesn’t matter what you look like, where you live, or what you’ve done in the past.  It doesn’t matter what anybody else tells you (or what you tell yourself, for that matter).  Look me in the eyes, Wonder Woman/Superman.  You are the song in my heart, the whisper on my lips.  The reason life has meaning.

You are IT!

Your turn…

What do you need to start telling yourself more often?  What is one powerful, positive truth about YOU that you sometimes forget?  Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Author Bio:  Therese Schwenkler is the Founder, CEO, and Marketer of truth at TheUnlost.com, today’s go-to source for non-sucky advice on life, love and work. Click here for a special Unlost mystery gift just for you… I just know you’re gonna love it!

PLEASE NOTE: This post has been updated with new information and moved to here:

40 Things We Need to Teach Our Kids Before They’re too Cool to Hear Our Wisdom

Photo by: Kevin Keller